Inside Out You're Beautiful

These past few days have been HORRIBLE. And no this time not dealing with boys, family etc, etc. Stupid health problems AKA my back. There's something going on with my back and a trip to the hospital and they couldn't figure out what was wrong. Let's see, I'm going to explain from the very beginning about a year ago, I had this slight pain in my back but I thought it would go away. Guess what? It didn't. So as the time passed it got worse and my mom could tell there was something wrong because of the way I would walk and stand. So I went to the special back doctor last year in the summer sometime, he sent me to a physical therapist I did physical therapy for about 2 months. It worked slightly but the pain came back completly.. then I went to this Chiropracter place in November and they started working on my back with these machines and in mid January I was feeling wonderful, walking straight, losing weight. I could actually get out of the bed and go places and be comfortable. Well about 2 weeks ago I got a sinus/ear infection/cold. AND that stupid thing sent me right back to where I started. Full on pain worse than I've ever had it. Thursday I went to the ER because I couldn't stand the pain. They took blood, the lady didn't know what she was doing -___- I have this huge bruise on my arm now, I had to pee in a cup (never did that before in my life) that was so gross. lol. Also got x-rays and all my tests came back, and he said they looked good. So he just gave me some stronger medicine, after one night of the medicine.. nothing would make the pain go away slightly so I went back to the spine doctor. He gave me stuff and told me stuff to do for my back. And wanted me off the stronger meds; Well none of that stuff worked. The pain was so bad that night, I wanted to die. I've never felt a worse pain in my life and I would never want anyone to get this pain, but it happens. So They scheduled me in the next day for an emergency appointment to get a cortozon epideral injection.. when we got there they couldn't do it from the anticiotics I had been taking from my sinus/ear infection. So now I'm going back on Monday for that. Not looking forward to it :/ I'm rather scared. I hate needles and all that... And this injection is just to calm the pain down until I can get an MRI done and find out what's wrong with my back. I just wish it could hurry up and get fixed my back is ruining everything. I had to stop in November at trying to get my license because it hurt to drive; I can't walk proper; It's affecting my school work/absenses; I can't hang out with anyone or do anything and be comfortable. Everything just sucks right now hopefully they can find something after the MRI. I want my life back.

Sick :/

Another day in the life of Amy. So I wake up at 3AM this morning because I'm sick and then can't get back to sleep :/ Nothings getting better, I wish things were different. It's just the same crap everyday, it's hard to find someone that actually cares. I'm ready to give up on school and just about everything else.. Life's tough. How do you make these feelings go away? Is there something wrong with me or can I change this myself.. Idk. I guess I do need help... I don't really know what to write about today, just seems like I repeat myself day after day. I'm really sad and nobody can really change that or has seized to change that.. :/ Anyways www.formspring.me/amylolz Ask me stuff, I want to help other people and not worry about my own problems.

We Were Just Kids In Love.

I don't really know. I feel like I'm just sitting here. Halfway here and halfway not. All I did today was sleep, wake up. Made a big decision. Layed down and thought about it all. I've removed all our connections. Myspace, myyearbook, facebook. Deleted your number. Not something that I wanted to do, but after two times of you calling me a dumb bxtch and to get the fxck out of your life. I think it was time that I actually did get away. I hope I can keep myself away because I know you'll have no problem staying away from me. I don't really get this considering I've done nothing to you, ever but give you everything I had. I'm not going to talk about you anymore. It ends here. I feel like I'm in a cloud right now. We have just had 2 weeks of school off and I still want more. One more day wouldn't hurt. I don't want to go back. Since our parking lots are barely even clean they should give us another day. I think I'm going to blog everyday now, if I have stuff to talk about. I'm still lonely and just feels like noone wants me. On the plus side my back is so much better and I'm losing pounds by the week. I can't wait til summer, I'll be super different. Well that's all for now ask me questions? www.formspring.me/amylolz

Funny, Cute and Kissable.

Valentines Day.

Today would be the day of love. Pointless if you have noone to share it with. If you read my blogs which I haven't posted one in a super long time but you know I only post one when I'm upset or something. Today was just lame. Just basically thought about things, mainly people. Two in particular. Everyday I think of how much you hurt me, but even though you did.. everythings still there I still can't seem to get you out of my mind or the feelings gone? Even if someone you love hurts you, you forgive them STUPID? WHY? Because we forgive the people we love and we don't want them out of our lives... It takes me so much strength not talking to you everyday. This past month has been horrid. We went from talking hours a day to NOTHING. And nothing is where we are remaining for now, I guess. Now number two. You, I like you. But it's also pointless to like someone if they don't like you back, I'm not sure I'm at a crossroads with you. It's confusing. I'm so confused and feeling depressed all the time. I'm pretty sick of it. When will all this get better? I hate all the distance issues. I've been doing things in my life that I don't usually do, tried to see if it would help anything and got nothing out of it. I did nothing today, wish I had a valentine, but I haven't for 18 years and I'm still alive so maybe next year...